A major life change is upon me and I am excited, scared, and in awe. I guess I really never thought this day would come, but is has. I gave my 2-week notice to my day job last week Wednesday. My last day is scheduled for June 10th. I will be full-time self employed from this point forward. In my last blog post, I told you I would let you in on one of the obligations I released from my life, so this is it.
For the past 6 years or so, I have read other people’s blogs and have silently cheered for them as they announced they have left their day jobs to pursue their calling and life’s purpose. I always loved reading those types of posts. They were so inspirational! Well, today is my day to follow in their footsteps and do the same thing.
This is not something I just jumped into. I began my first website back in 2005 and have worked part time at it and others for the past 5-1/2 years. For the past two years I have saved up as much as I could. I will go into more detail on that in a future post.
The last few weeks leading up to this have been wrought with fear, confusion, and a sense of obligation. My energy would swing from one extreme to the other. Before I made the final decision to leave, I just couldn’t put my finger on what was holding me back. It turns out my ego needed to have its say. And it CERTAINLY had a lot to say! I used Automatic Writing to dialogue the following exchange:
The Ego Speaks – Loudly!
Ego: Well Laura, do you really think your are going to get rid of all your problems by quitting your job? I have kept you safe for many years. what makes you think you can carve out a living for your self by yourself? You need me to keep you safe. I protect you and you try to take all the credit. You will always need someone to protect you. You really don’t have it in you to succeed on your own.
Yes, I know your hearts desire is to be self employed and earn a living on your own. Who are you kidding? You haven’t done it so far, so what makes you think you can now? You have enough income to get by, why do you want more? So what if you time is owned by someone else? What’s wrong with that? Not everyone here on this Earth is meant to be a leader. You have a long way to go in that arena. You can’t even have a decent conversation with people that you do know. I really hate you for trying to be more than you are.
Me: Are you done yet?
Ego: No, I am not done. You always try to bury me and now I will have my say, darn it. I am here for a reason and you would be well served to listen to me. You don’t have the guts to leave your job. Your boss does a great job of protecting you, why do you have to blow that? The world is a very scary place and you will be down and out in no time. You will be asking your husband for money sooner than you think. And I know how you love to do that.
What makes you think that your ideas are so great? You have gotten this far by a lot of hard work and luck that someone was protecting you. You are not meant to be on your own. You will disappoint yourself and others around you. You live by fear of disappointing others and I don’t see that changing. That is what I am here for. I protect you. If you were to change, you would really have to get up on your own two feet and make a change. I don’t see you doing that. You are weak and need protecting.
Me: Are you done now? What if I do it anyway and leave my job? What if I succeed?
Ego: I really don’t think you will. But I guess you can try if you really want to. You’ll just disappoint your family and yourself.
Me: What if I don’t?
Ego: Well, I just don’t really know then, but it still doesn’t seem like a good idea to me to go out on your own.
Me: What if you protected me still, but just a little less?
Ego: Well, I guess that would be alright. So you wouldn’t abandon me completely?
Me: No, I still need you, just not as overbearing.
Ego: I guess I could live with that.
Me: Do you have anything else to say to me?
Ego: No, I guess not, but I might later.
I had this conversation with myself on Tuesday afternoon last week. I was able to walk in Wednesday morning and give my notice. My ego just needed to have its say in the matter and I needed to acknowledge the fears.
Foward to a New Future
So a new chapter of my life is beginning and another is closing. It all seems a bit surreal at the moment. I will be concentrating on giving intuitive readings, so if you have thought about getting a reading, check it out.