Learning to Love Yourself

Learning to love yourself may be one of the greatest experiences you have in this lifetime, but is it selfish? Find tips for raising your self worth and self esteem. Read about my spiritual healing journey and find tips you can use for healing your mind, body, and spirit.

Loving yourself seems to come easily for some and for others it can be elusive and hard to grasp. Many of the messages received from parents or loved ones long ago undermine our sense of self worth and trusting ourselves.

Isn’t loving yourself being selfish? That’s the impression I received from my family from a young age; that putting yourself first was selfish and I was told that I didn’t think of others first, therefore making me a selfish person. I have carried that line of thinking around for many years. At some point a few years ago I asked myself: “So, how’s that working for ya?” The answer I received from my higher self said: “Not so good.”

Here were some of the results in my life of not seeing myself as worthy of being put first:

Waiting for “My Turn”

The mentality of thinking “when is it my turn?” while waiting for something good to happen to me would have feelings of jealousy appear out of nowhere and my temper would make itself known with some kind of sarcastic or cutting remark. Not very flattering, I realize, but until I explored what was underneath the thoughts, this was the mode of the day. Learning Reiki has helped greatly in my healing path.

Learning to love myself fully and unconditionally has allowed me to realize that those negative thoughts are nothing more than a program running in my head. I now understand that we choose our experiences to help us learn and to work through our mental blocks.


How can you give your love to someone else when you can’t accept your own love? One day I came to the realization that my parents and other family members were just wrong in regards to this line of thinking. The more I studied past episodes, I saw that the overriding and prevailing feeling that you were selfish and you should put all others needs and wants before your own did not resonate anymore.

Giving my Power Away and Learning to Love Yourself

Not trusting yourself is giving your power away to others. If you haven’t taken the time to really figure out what your values are and what you stand for, you can end up taking what others say and believe as truth instead of your own thoughts or inner knowing. You can also give your power away by waiting for others to give you their love and acceptance instead of reaching down and looking for it within you first.

I have now learned quite a few different techniques for forgiveness and healing listed below.

How to Heal – Learning Self Care

Use your intuition or inner knowing to ask yourself what you need most right now. Find a quiet spot, and take a deep breath for a count of four, hold for a count of four and exhale for a count of eight. Repeat three times. Center and quiet your mind and ask the question, “What do I need most right now?” Don’t try forcing the answer, just let it come to the surface. Give meditation a try. Meditating has a lot of benefits  that can work really well to bring clarity and peace of mind.

You can also try writing the question down on paper and then writing what immediately comes to mind. It may be a one word response that comes to mind, such as rest, calm, forgiveness, or peace or you may write an entire page. It may also come across as a feeling, such as needing to move – as in exercise, a change of scenery – like dropping the household tasks and getting out of the house for the afternoon, or friends – perhaps needing to reconnect with good friends that will listen to you. Read more about automatic writing.

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk

Don’t say anything to yourself that you would not say to another person. Easier said than done, I know! Listen to your self-talk on a normal day. Would you say your deepest thoughts to your spouse, child, or best friend? I doubt it.

Say I Love You to Yourself

Try standing in front of a mirror in the bathroom and smiling and saying “I love you” to yourself.

The first few times I tried this I just cringed at the site in the mirror. But after repeated attempts I am now able to hold my head up and honestly say that I do love myself with a smile, with no feelings of guilt or fear attached at all. I am proud of who I am now. Using positive affirmations has helped tremendously. I highly recommend this book by Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life. I do own it and it has been a fantastic resource in healing.

Say No!

If you are overwhelmed with your day to day life, the time has to come when you start saying NO to requests from others. Prioritize your day with your needs first, including time to relax. By doing so, you will have the energy necessary to give to family and friends but on your terms.

Overall, have compassion for where you are at. Self love is not something that is going to turn around in a day. There will be relapses and high and low points along the way. Remember that each low point is peeling back another layer on the way to healing.

I also recommend this book: Defy Gravity-Healing Beyond the Bounds of Reason by Caroline Myss . I own this and it has really given me a wonderful perspective on my life.

Feel free to leave a comment below. I would love to hear your responses, especially what has worked for you to help yourself heal.

7 thoughts on “Learning to Love Yourself”

  1. Thanks soooooooo much, Laura! You are a Godsend! Your words are very healing to me right now! Thank-You! And Thank-You God for this lovely angel! God Bless You, Laura! 🙂

  2. Hi,

    I have been struggling for a while now with what I have come to realize is my life purpose. Answered yes to all of the healing questions and have working with a Reiki Master to start using Reiki. Had an amazing healing experience where I went to help a pregnant woman and while I was massaging her swollen feet, I told her I should do Reiki on you.

    I immediately felt a rush of energy come through the crown of my head and out through my hands. It was so powerful that she jumped back in her chair and told me she felt a rush of warm energy enter her. Unfortunately she came the next day to tell me that her friends thought it was voodoo even though I explained to her at the time that it was unconditional love. I just felt so empathetic towards her and wanted to ease her pain.

    She went on to deliver the baby in half an hour with no complications or pain. Her first two deliveries were very complex and painful. Reading the above has given me so much perspective. I need to do so healing work on myself and learn to trust that people cannot hurt me anymore. I grew up being sexually abused from 9 months old. I am constantly seeing repeating numbers from 11:11, 111, 222, etc. all the way up to 999 so much that it is like the Universe is shouting at me. Again, thank you for your email and confirmation that I am on the right path.


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