Stop Beating Yourself Up!

by Laurra Warnke

Do you keep repeating the same pattern of verbally and emotionally beating yourself up when you feel you have failed at something? Is it still serving you? Are you ready to change the pattern?

I wrote about the luxury of negativity in a past post and it got me thinking about how we hang on to our stories.

What Did I Do that was So Wrong???

When I was younger, whenever I had a negative experience and got emotionally wounded or hurt, I would find myself constantly rewinding the situation and beat up on myself for making a mistake. I always wondered what it was that I did or said to provoke someone else and have them not like me or for someone to have said something hurtful to me. It really never occurred to me at that point that it may have been the other person having a bad day, I always thought it was just about what I did or said.

Living in the Past

“The past is over, so it has no power now. The thoughts of this moment create my future.” – Louise Hay

The joys of living in the past with a unhealthy pattern of beating yourself up using negative words and feelings is that you get to keep reliving the scene over and over in your mind. (There’s some joy for you!)

It grows and grows until you think the entire world knows about your situation or WHAT YOU DID. Think about a situation that was unpleasant in high school. Yes, there were plenty to choose from!

If you hang on to the story for twenty years after, there is absolutely no way that what you are thinking in your mind about the situation is the truth of what happened.

You have energetically made it yours and “own it”. Twenty years of thinking about an event that happened when you were too young to know all the workings of the world is no way to live your life. You have to forgive yourself and start showing kindness to yourself.

Okay, fess up. I know I am not the only one here. Which of you are hanging on to your stories? Think about what it would feel like for them not to be a major part of your life right now.

“Who would you be without your story?”  – Byron Katie

Self-Love and Kindness

It has taken many years and many tries to be kinder to myself, but there is a point of realization when you think, gee – this is just not helping me get what I want and it no longer serves me.

Every action that we do or don’t do serve us in some way, even if you can not possibly find the meaning at that exact time.

There is quite a difference between beating yourself up and taking an honest assessment of your thoughts and actions. The latter is where you may come to some realizations like admitting that fear did keep you from doing something you really wanted and you missed an opportunity. The former is just about the ego putting a big blockade in your way to really healing from past situations.

I have written about the healing benefits of Reiki in a previous post. This is something that has helped tremendously to get through these negative thoughts. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is also something that works well for letting go of past patterns.

Ready to Move On?

I offer intuitive readings to release and clear those negative thought patterns and energies to help you move on to the next stage of your life. You know you want to be there, not here, right? Book an intuitive reading today.

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About Laura Warnke

Laurra Warnke is an empath who helps you define your life purpose by viewing your Akashic record from a soul level perspective. Through intuitive readings, energy clearings, and life purpose mentoring, she works with your Guides to define your life’s purpose, embrace your soul level gifts, clear energetic blocks, and bring back the passion and spirit to your life

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Lindsay September 29, 2011 at 10:25 am

You know what I always say to people (and myself)? When you catch yourself saying bad things to yourself or replaying a scenario over and over in your mind and beating yourself up…ask yourself if you’d ever talk to someone ELSE that way. Would you? No (unless you’re a Grade-A jerk)!

Great advice, Laura. I’ve tried EFT but I always feel silly when I do it. I guess that’s par for the course!

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Laura September 30, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Hi Lindsay,

The little I have tried EFT, I have found it to be successful, but I will agree I feel a bit silly doing it too.

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Susan September 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I can relate tried different methods and mostly it lasts 24 hrs and well that didn’t work. I came across a saying “Cheer up. The Roses Will Bloom Again!” But that only lasted 2 days. — I was invisible in school lol one reasons I don’t have friends but acquaintances.

What I’ve been carrying is a most recent past April of 11. I said something (no name calling or such) he hung up, tried to explain he said some cruel words, when he texted, went maybe talk, yeah about everything but, I tried to apologise but nope, he never did. — I believe I hurt/scared him, but he texted was kind/sweet, I thought that maybe healing, but no. I tried to reach him a 3-4 times, over a four week period. But no response. I was really beating myself up now. I seen him in May and he didn’t want to talk about it, I said over? he said “basically” (I hate filler words), he turned away, wouldn’t look at me when he said it, he looked sad, I touched his shoulder and he let me, then said I should go but his body language talking differently. — After that we texted once for three hours in July, but nothing more since then. Once a month I would try, just to let him know he’s not alone, I am here if he wants to talk, etc.

So yeah I am still beating myself up for that, I DID screw up and lost a great guy in the process but I have not physically seen him (the guy), nor heard from him (phone/text/note) since really april, may & July. Everyone says its over (as he said as much) but when I ask to sent us free so that I am not holding him back in anyway, I still see the tube, I still see the energy flow, this pull/connection I even asking angel Michael to help it’s like nope it stays. I don’t know what it means and honestly I can get a peep about it out of anyone not even my guardian angel, or his, talk about quiet and confuse I don’t know what it means and trust me I ask alot, and I listen, but nothing…

Sorry about the length. Good Topic btw.

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Julie | A Clear Sign September 29, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I agree, you can’t keep reliving these things and you have to disclipline your mind to stop yourself from doing it. I will look at the situation, see my part in it, and finally agree that I’ve gone as far as I can go with it. At that point, whenever it comes to mind, I tell it to go away and heal itself because there is nothing more to be gained. I also take a 5 minute break whenever I start to feel myself rising to the occasion to start an argument or over react to something, and that avoids a lot of the situations in the first place. Remember, “It’s them, not me” when you have the situation you described above.

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Jimmy September 29, 2011 at 7:17 pm

I find that the best way to let go of the past is to get involve in a new venture that has great meaning for us. It must be something that requires so much time and energy from us that we do not have time to ponder the past that is holding us back.

Granted we still need to make peace with ourselves before engaging the future with hope.
Jimmy’s last post ..6 Effective Ways to Start Taking Action for Success in LifeMy Profile

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Justin | Mazzastick September 30, 2011 at 12:38 am

Hi Laura,
I was the same way. Being hard on ourselves never does any good, nor does being hard on someone else for that matter.

I am interested in taking some classes on Reiki and other forms of energy healing.
Justin | Mazzastick’s last post ..My 911 Prophetic DreamMy Profile

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Susan October 30, 2011 at 8:17 pm

What if it’s something that hurt you so bad in all area’s (E.P.S.M). While you might heal from it, it stays with you because from the moment it happened it became apart of you no matter how you let it go. – The fact that no matter how hard you try this is the one negative that turning it into a positive seems almost, if not is impossible, or at least impossible to sustain for any length. Even though you know it is not your fault, how do you stop going back and beating yourself up over it?

Thank-you.

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